Friday, August 20, 2010

A Hairless Homo

Why do people publish other people’s quotations on Facebook?

Do they think that by quoting, say Winston Churchill, in a virtual-public forum they will be viewed in a similar light?

And how does one react to such a post?

Do you solemnly nod your head at the screen and agree or say thank you for reminding you that life is good, or that being an optimist is best or whatever the fuck they are saying.

Liking it seems a little, well too little.

To find out I will start to run a test and start quoting scripture on FB - one a day to gauge the responses I receive.

Or, as an alternative and a more fun way to understand how one should react is to imagine the person posting it standing up in a bar and saying it out loud.

I think it should be pretty evident then what the appropriate response should be. Unfortunately Facebook, at least to my knowledge, doesn’t have a “you’re a twat” button yet.

I have been reading Men’s Health magazine and am now ready to start ripping my abs, maxing my presses, minimizing my fat and burning my thingies.

When I was a child I would watch movies and be inspired to be like the protagonist: Rocky – take up boxing, Karate Kid – Karate, Midnight Cowboy – well you get the idea.

I guess this is the hormone this type of magazine in hoping to capitalise on.

Unfortunately when I read Men’s Health magazine I don’t think I want to be like the models flexing their shiny abs in between the advertisements.

These guys are all clearly madly in love with themselves and most probably not interested in the things I am, like for example, girls.

Secondly as a child I would quickly discover that boxing hurt (a lot), Karate took dedication and years of practice. Very quickly my enthusiasm would dissapear and I would go back to my computer game, smoking or hanging around the chip shop.

The same is true for the magazine. Perfect abs in 5mins, 0% fat in an hour, 50inch biceps in the blink of an eye.

It’s a lie of course, a trick to make you purchase the glossy book. To look like those guys you need to commit a few hours a day, every day, eat only very low fat stuff and avoid drinking beer. I, Like most guys I know, work, have family commitments, eat chips and meat and am very partial to the odd glass of beer.

Having only skim read the magazine, the message I take from it as follows:
Eat broccoli, fish and nuts, don’t drink beer ever - instead replace with tasty water.
Give up work, sitting down, coffee and TV.
Work out 2hours every day and take up kite surfing and in-line skating.
Wear lycra shorts.
If you follow these easy steps for 5 years you too can end up looking like a shiny, hairless homosexual.
Feeling inspired?

Definition of a photographic memory? One which needs developing.
The Muppet Show DVD, special guest Leo Sayer, midnight - does the above start to make sense?
We are all going outside.
Al-fresco?
He is coming too.
Groan.

Jet lag is easy when you have to stay awake when you are tired. Jet lag when you have to go to sleep when you are not tired is somewhat trickier but certainly manageable. Trying to explain this to an 11month old is even more difficult.

Hence the muppets, midnight, bad jokes and another blog entry.

We have now had one week of our son living on EST whilst we, and importantly, our work schedule is firmly planted in old world CET.

I pray that soon he will decide sleep is important. I am hoping that the quality of the Muppet jokes will speed this process up but until then my shiny body is on hold and if you decide to throw a quote my way please don’t take offence if I quietly and without warning punch you.